She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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