i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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