Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
