hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
