new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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