And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
