And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
