I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
