saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
