there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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