Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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