I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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