shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
