I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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