i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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