i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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