we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
