Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
