Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
