im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
