Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
