I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
