I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize