Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
