Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
