Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
3 2 1 whiskey
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
