Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
