the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
