I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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