One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
