Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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