How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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