How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
