I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize