I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
