all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
