Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just sent this text using only my big toe
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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