He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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