Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
