If i come over, it means nothing
Just fell off a train. Bad.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
