Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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