Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have fence marks all over my body
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
