first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
