Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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