3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
