I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You were trust falling into bushes
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
