My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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