He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
