Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
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