I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
