your parents love me but you hate me
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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