you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
