Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
