No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
