i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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