The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
