so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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