You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
