I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
