Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
