I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We got so high we made milksteak
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
