Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize