you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
