Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just gift wrapped bread.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
