he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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