moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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