just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
