i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
