we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
