I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
