Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
