finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
