god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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