I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
