Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
