you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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