The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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