Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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